I am a cyber shopping whore

In two days I will celebrate the one month anniversary of having broken and sprained my foot. Ah, what a lovely time it has been. The grass in the yard is up to my knees, my muscles are beginning to atrophy, I am going stir crazy, and my wife and kids are anxious to get the old man back. Although ask my wife and she will tell you that a 100% Derek is only a few percentage points more helpful than a gimpy Derek. Ouch. Anyways, I’m giving the healing process another month. Meanwhile, with a new tent trailer sitting in my driveway and a couple trips planned for later this month, I have been keeping myself busy by seeking out all the ‘must have” items on our camping trip. Honestly, I have no idea how sub Saharan African refugees manage without a tire leveler, a battery powered air compressor, a portable toilet, and a 10×10 shade canopy. Yes, I am the proud owner of all these and many, many more items that are slated to arrive on my doorstep over the next week.

I am not a cyber shopper. However, every three or four days, when I come home from work to discover a parcel on the porch with my Wife’s name on it, I think to myself “why don’t I order presents for myself too???!!!” Well, for the next week it is going to be a nonstop muthafuckin’ Christmas/Hannukah extravaganza at the Senn household! Three of the aforementioned items have already arrived, and the portable toilet should be here any day now! And the hammock, and the battery powered fan, and the really cool $20 bandana that can do ANYTHING, and the brake regulator, and the…

Six months ago I was writing blog entries about austerity and erasing debt. And here I am today staring at my new $200 Caravan Displayshade canopy with removable walls. It is a must have!! Even at 23.99% interest. I swear!! As is the portable toilet. As are the battery powered christmas lights and the 9×12 plastic carpet. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, the market for RV and camping accessories is booming. It is the first economic indicator that signals a very strong recovery, because it means things are getting better when you are comfortable enough to spend $85 on an RV tire leveler rather than just using 2×6’s from the scrap heap.

In my defense, I have been fairly productive while on R&R. I have read books and magazine articles, and I have played guitar. I have contemplated life and I have barked at my family members from the prone position. But at 10:00 at night, when the Vicodin is peaking and there is nowhere to be other than on the couch resting that foot, the online shopping world is a mighty cozy place to be and the clicking of the mouse to consummate a purchase is about the only way I am able to get any decent exercise these days.

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